Claudine Barretto copes with panic attacks

Actress Claudine Barretto has revealed that she has been suffering from panic attacks since 2002 after her boyfriend Rico Yan passed away.

During an exclusive interview on the Kapuso magazine show "Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho" aired last January 21, Claudine said that she was then taping the Kapamilya teleserye "Sa Dulo Ng Walang Hanggan" when the panic attack started.

"Ang natatandaan ko lang, yung time na nagte-taping kami, nag-cold sweat ako while we were reading. Tapos, sabi ni Direk Wenn (Deramas), parang iba na," said Claudine.

"Sabi ko, 'I'll just go to the room for a while, inom lang akong water. And then he went inside the room, and then sabi niya, ang putla ko daw. I was just walking and walking 'tapos sabi niya, 'Ano nangyayari?' 'Hindi ko alam;"

"Ayun, I started crying na and I couldn't breathe. Noong sinabi sa akin ni Direk Wenn na, 'You need to see a psychiatrist, something's wrong,' pakiramdam ko tatalon ako sa building, because hindi ko alam paano ako pupunta sa emergency room at i-explain sa tao or sa doctors doon na parang pakiramdam ko na I'm sinking, I'm drowning," said Claudine.

The Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MInnesota defined a panic attack as a sudden episode of intense fear that triggers severe physical reactions when there is no real danger or apparent cause. Panic attacks can be very frightening. When panic attacks occur, you might think you're losing control, having a heart attack or even dying.

"Many people have just one or two panic attacks in their lifetimes, and the problem goes away, perhaps when a stressful situation ends. But if you've had recurrent, unexpected panic attacks and spent long periods in constant fear of another attack, you may have a condition called panic disorder."

Claudine said: "In 2002, I was diagnosed with panic attacks, panic disorder. I just felt na parang mamamatay ako, hindi ako makahinga, parang I was sinking, I was drowning, 'tapos parang lumiliit yung kuwarto, nagko-cold sweats ako 'tapos hihimatayin ako."

"I didn't know what was wrong. Nobody really told me, 'Ah, panic attack 'yan. There were days na parang feeling ko, 'Oh my God, I think I'm going crazy,' kasi balisa, e. Di ka mapakali;

"When you have a panic attack at sabihin ng tao sa 'yo, 'Ano ba nararamdaman mo?' The moment you tell them ano nararamdaman mo, all the more guma-grabe yung panic. I was so scared," the 38-year-old actress recalled.

These days, Claudine said that she regularly sees Dr. Bernadette Manalo-Arcena, a psychiatrist.

Claudine has also admitted that she is still grieving the death of her former boyfriend.

"I just really kept on working and working. I want to tire myself para pag-uwi ko, talagang tulog na lang, hindi ko na maisip yung pagkamatay ng ex-boyfriend ko noon," she said.

"Ang gusto ko lang, mapagod. Hindi pa talaga ako yung talagang nakapag-rest para umiyak, up to this day."

Claudine said that she still goes to the Manila Memorial Park in Paranaque to clean the grave site of her former boyfriend.

"Yes, I do. Naglilinis ako doon minsan. That's the only thing na puwede kong gawin. I wasn't able to say goodbye o maalagaan man lang siya bago siya nawala," she said. - ROBERT REQUINTINA